how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
