wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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