If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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