this beer tastes like vomit already
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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