It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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