when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
