Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
