my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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