Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and she was petting her beer can
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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