Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
