I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
