I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
