When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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