No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who died my cat blue again?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
