so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
