She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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