I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
