Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
