complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
