Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
