I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
