I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He did a backflip because drugs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
