her vagine was all disorganized.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
