So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
