i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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