Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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