I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
