so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
