Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
