call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
