I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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