put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
