I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
