Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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