you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
