i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
