im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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