so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
