I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
