Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
