and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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