I feel like abortions should bother me more
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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