It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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