yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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