God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
