Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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