So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
