Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
