Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
