I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
