It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
