No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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