This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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