Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
