He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
