If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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