No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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