My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
