Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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